The Triple Axel of Evil

Log Out | Topics | Search Moderators | Register | Edit Profile

Thread Last Poster Posts Pages Last Post   Closed: New threads not accepted on this page

Author Message   Jeff Bieler (Mrbieler) Posted on Thursday, February 14, 2002 - 04:47 pm:    Angered by the loss of the Olympic gold medal in pairs figure skating competition, Canada has declared war on Russia. Seeking to avenge the second place finish by Jamie Sale and David Pelletier, Prime Minister Jean Chretien has placed troops on standby. Canadian soldiers, Bob, Mike, and Doug, who recently arrived in Afghanistan, are reportedly massing along that country’s northern border with Russia. Canada’s battleship and tank apparently also have been placed on high alert “We cannot let this act of terrorism stand,” said the Canadian prime minister. “The evil ones cannot be allowed win.” Pointing to the biased judging Monday night by the French, Russian and Chinese judges, Chretien identified what he called a “triple axel of evil” in the figure skating world. “Let the world take note that we will not tolerate this threat by the evildoers to our northern way of life,” said Chretien. “We Canadians are born with skates, and we will not surrender them to anyone.” It is unclear how Canada will fight a full-scale ware with three of the most powerful nations on Earth. Military analysts concede that it is likely that France will quickly surrender. However, Canada is clearly no match for Russia or China. Asked to comment on Canada’s bellicose actions, Russian President Vladimir V. Putin stated: “I didn’t know that Canada had a tank.” Canada’s only real hope is to form an alliance of like-minded nations. Given the long history of scandals in the figure skating world, it should be easy for the Canadians to find many allies, including Great Britain, the United States, and possible Lithuania. “We will not rest until the gold medal is returned to its rightful home,” said Chretien. “We look to all civilized nations to join us in this crusade, which we have called Operation Enduring Gold.” “Remember,” he warned, “you’re either with us or against us.” By David Martin Ottawa, Canada   Robbie Donaldson (Robbie) Posted on Thursday, February 14, 2002 - 05:00 pm:    I love The Onion   KJ Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 12:25 am:    That darned Canada, always ready to open a can of Whomp-Ass......scary.... Karen   John Lee Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 12:30 am:    Am I the only ones who thought the Russian pair were better than the Canadian pair?   KJ Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 12:54 am:    Yup, I think so, John. Karen   Milan Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 02:25 am:    I'm more surprised that we only have one tank. I thought we had two. Now I don't feel so safe anymore.   Leslie N. Bright (Leslie) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 08:26 am:    IMO, you could tell that the Russians usually would have won against the Canadians, although they're close to on par w/ each other. The problem is, on THAT night, the Canadians were technically flawless, and Sikharulidze stepped out of that double axel. On technical alone, on THAT night, the silver should have gone to Russia. I don't really give a flip about skating, but the wife and daughter insist on watching it, and I'm not going to be a buffalo and storm out of the room, so I "lucked up" and happened to see this particular event... Mi dos centavos..... -L   gp (Garrett) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 09:32 am:    they should just ban the sport anyway. more interesting sports such as full contact snow tubing should be introduced. IMHO   M. K. Watson (Lrover94) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 09:37 am:    i agree gp! they make that the center of the winter games and there is so much more interesting activities. such as the biathlon and the down hill events, and what about the wet t shirt contests in town after hours, come on, lets be real, i have seen the russians and i know some canadians that would win that event hands down. IMHO   Paul D. Morgan (V22guy) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 09:53 am:    Those things don't happen in Utah. Especially with the strangle hold the Mormans have on everyone. Nothing like 3.2 beer to depress the masses. Paul   Redsrover (Redsrover) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 10:12 am:    Yeah, but I love to watch those little skirts flutter in the wind. Nice rack on the Canadian chic too. Red   Brian Jackson (Nerover) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 10:14 am:    John, Yes...I think you're the only one! Garrett, you're damn right! Skating is for sissies! (j/k) Paul, in and around Park City they do. Just don't buy the local brews and you're fine. Last time I checked, the Stoli and Kettle One were pretty strong! Personally I thought the Canadian woman was gorgeous and they should give her a medal for that! Oh, and I kinda dig M<ormons too. At least, the ones with only one wife... For people very devout(sp?) in their beliefs, they are some of the most excepting, IMO, of people who do not subscribe to the book of Mormon. For instance, while staying will a 26 year-old woman who was a virgin and never had even tasted a beer, she was perfectly accepting of me downing a sixer at the pool table and smoking a pack of cigarettes, running my dirty mouth. That has been my experience with alot of the people in Utah that are Mormon (Being accepting that is). Outside Utah, I'd never have guessed that some of my friend's were Mormon. Everybody should try walking into Chili's in ST. George, ordering a few of those large Margaritas and start talkin! You'll meet some very interesting people! Brian   Redsrover (Redsrover) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 10:20 am:    Yeah, but I love to watch those little skirts flutter in the wind. Nice rack on the Canadian chic too. Red   gp (Garrett) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 10:26 am:    skating IS for sissies. not hockey of course. but any dude that wears an outfit like the ones they do deserves to be beaten with a sock full of soda cans!! (bad boys reference of course!) i mean if they wore more masculine outfits and skated to western tunes then i may have a little different feeling about it. doubtful, but maybe a little more respect. yes the canadian lady was certain very attractive and scored 10's all the way. and i don't see why looks shouldn't be a part of the judging. a few of my friends from vail just got back from the olympics. seems as if they did not have a hard time getting trashed. just surprised i did not see them barfing on the luge run.   Paul D. Morgan (V22guy) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 10:49 am:    Aside from feminine looking ice skating dudes, one good thing about Utah is the amazing powder. I have snowboarded at Brighten several times both day and night and the experience was incredible. Paul   M. K. Watson (Lrover94) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 12:09 pm:    i have been scoping out the other canadian fems that are competeing and i must say. CANADA ROCKS! god i hope my wife doesnt find this.   gp (Garrett) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 12:20 pm:    the canandian speed skater with the python legs!!! nice. real nice. and i saw some bobsled ladies that were cute. and even a few women US hockey players. as they beat the chinese 11-1. (last i saw) it's almost as good as watching temptation island 2!!!   Rob Davison (Pokerob) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 12:31 pm:    i saw the lady with the legs yesterday.. she won two medals. she looked good, unfortunatly i cant handle a woman that is taller AND stronger than me. i have so many other issues, that would just be the last straw. ;) how about those curling athelets!! they are all freaks. it's been on cnbc everynight. why isn't bowling a winter sport? i dont know do people even bowl in other countries? i know very few people do curling here. i admit that the freak in me (not that kind of freak, for all the gangsta's in the house) want's to try curling. like most obscure sports, MTV might get ahold of it and make it "extreeme" played on a glacier maybe.. peace out , ya'll rd   Redsrover (Redsrover) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 01:26 pm:    I just heard at lunch that the IOC decided to award a second Gold Medal to the Canadian skaters. What kind of BS is this? They should have taken the Gold from the Russian team and awarded it to the Canadians leaving the silver with the Russians, or done nothing at all. How can there be two Gold Medals awarded to competing "teams" in the same event? It's BS and figure skating shouldn't be considered a sport for competition at the olympics. Red   SOLO Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 01:29 pm:    I caught the womens curling last night before I went to bed. Good thing too because it put me right to sleep. Larry   M. K. Watson (Lrover94) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 01:35 pm:    its odd that they would allow the sharing of the gold...now what happens to the rest of those who finished. is the bronze moved up to silver and the 4th place to bronze. geez, it seems that if there was a "fixing" of the results those teams involved shoud be disqualified and striped of their medals. altho the competors proberly had nothing to do with the actual crime, they do represent the countries of the judges. therefore altho they are in themselves not guilty thet are in some way guilty by assoc. if this had been the USA judges and the result favored the USA team what would have been the results.   gp (Garrett) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 02:35 pm:    they banned the french judge. nice. couldn't happen to a better country.   KJ Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 03:25 pm:    Red said: "Nice rack on the Canadian chic (sic) too." How do I reply to that...... "I didn't realize she had antlers"? Karen   gp (Garrett) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 03:38 pm:    yep. she was an 8 pointer!!   M. K. Watson (Lrover94) Posted on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 04:27 pm:    nahhhh, she was atleast a 12!   JackMcD Posted on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 05:56 pm:    Canada has a tank?? JackMcD   JMcD Posted on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 05:58 pm:    Who Knew? JMcD   JRoc Posted on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 02:01 pm:    I can't believe I'm reading about figure skating on a website dedicated to Off-Roading! LOL And "beaten w/ a sock full of soda cans" for being a sissy??? Dude, what's up with that? Just change the channel! I don't believe in beating people up because they're gay!!! As a rule, I only beat up people I feel physically intimidated by, which doesn't happen very often. Good rule to follow. I think they should change it to Full Contact Figure Skating though. I think I'd be more exciting, and the judging would be alot less controversial. And swap the Pairs event with Tag-Team! But on a serious note, this is why I'm against sports where there's judging. Anytime you have judging you're going to have controversy. And look at the people they having judging! Are they kidding??? Bodybuilding is even worse! You train your ass off, get big as a house, diet for weeks sometimes months, and then have some old fat guy judge you! Anyway... I think we might also want to watch what we say as to not offend the women on this board. I don't think we've crossed the line yet, but we do need to watch what we say in order to keep the disco web female friendly.   Hank Shank (Disco_Tex) Posted on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 03:24 pm:    JRoc What about mixing in a polar bear on the ice while they are doing their routine?   Daniel Posted on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 04:28 pm:    Please, no more bear stuff...I can't take it, but we could talk about non-lethal alternatives for (male)figure skaters.   gp (Garrett) Posted on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 04:53 pm:    the "soda can and socks" was a reference to the movie 'Bad Boys'. i am not sure if sean penn was intimidated by the other dude, but he deemed it necessary anyhow. can't seem to blame him though. i never have beaten on anyone except in hockey and even then it was just some punches to the face and some nice cross checking to the neck. so overall i am really a non-violent person as well. it just bugs me at times that i can watch one sport (hockey/GS skiing/etc.) and then an hour later see a few cupcakes in freaky outfits competing for the same thing. (gold medal) it has nothing to do with being gay or whatever.......just erks me a little. i'm over it now. well at least til the next time. now women in figure skating is a whole other thing!!! there is always someone bigger and badder than you that will be able to kick your ass. i am not intimidated by these people, i just try and not piss them off. kinda like the whole bear thing.