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Axel Haakonsen (Axel)
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 01:31 pm: | 
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A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and
efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas
the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of
the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to
perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and
otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door,
through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary
living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover
illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement be- tween the
parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following steps: 1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer)
shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair,
stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-
negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer)
with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to
maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light
Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed
upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate
that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be
incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the
party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such
structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the
non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the
party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout. 2.) Upon reaching a point
where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the
party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part
(Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and
federal statutes. 3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the
party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning
installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This
installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the
procedures described in step one of this self- same document, being careful
to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said
direction also being non- negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may
be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by
said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any
and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce
a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned
front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for
the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm". |
William C. Leek (Onionman)
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 04:37 pm: |
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With some attorneys, there's a fine line between service and being totally useless. |
Bill M. (Circekat)
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 09:36 pm: |
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You forgot to add that the line is usually measured in angstroms as opposed to a measurement that can be seen on a tape measure or ruler. |
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