| Author | Message | ||
     dareDVL (Daredvl) New Member Username: Daredvl Post Number: 16 Registered: 03-2003 |
A collection of Prince of Darkness jokes (courtesy of Paul Mossberg, New Jersey Replicar Club, February 2001) The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark." Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness" Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper. Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp. The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOULDER and IGNITE. The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products. "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob... If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either. Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank. It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance. Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!" Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck. Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer. Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too. Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit. Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant." Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency. | ||
| Kevin Bridges (Craniac) Member Username: Craniac Post Number: 117 Registered: 02-2003 |
I take it Lucas Systems makes LR electrical Parts? Is it like the M.S.D. stuff (My. Spark. Died). I can relate | ||
| Carter Simcoe (Carter) Senior Member Username: Carter Post Number: 2313 Registered: 04-2002 |
I always thought the motto was "A gentleman doesn't motor about after dark" Oh yeah and why don't the brits have capital punishment?? -Lucas makes the electric chairs too | ||
| Ron L (Ronl) New Member Username: Ronl Post Number: 30 Registered: 11-2002 |
"Is it like the M.S.D. stuff (My. Spark. Died)." ROFLMAO I have seen enough dead 6A-L's to build a house out of. | ||
| Bryan Crosby (Bcroz) Member Username: Bcroz Post Number: 64 Registered: 03-2002 |
The "prince" (rotten bast@rd) struck my MG last night. Now I have no dash liights, smoke was pouring out of the steering column ("Daddy, what's that funny smell?") and this morining I have the pleasure of seeing fried wires under the dash. New slogan, With Lucas in the car, your never stuck without a puzzle". | ||
| John Moore (Jmoore) Senior Member Username: Jmoore Post Number: 598 Registered: 10-2002 |
Fortunatley, my disco has a Bosch system, but Bryan I feel your pain. I've been trying to rectify electrical problems in my MGB. The DPO decided to paint everything flat black in the engine bay! Oh Joy! Makes finding colored wires alot of fun... | ||
| Bryan Crosby (Bcroz) Member Username: Bcroz Post Number: 65 Registered: 03-2002 |
John-the up side is it seems to be limited to the dash light system, posssibly the headlight switch (I see fried wires going to the switch). So, as long as there is not an eclipse and I have it tucked in prior to sun set, I'm ok. At least the CD still works. Party on Garth! | ||
| John Moore (Jmoore) Senior Member Username: Jmoore Post Number: 599 Registered: 10-2002 |
Speaking of fried, party on Wayne... | ||
| TPH (Snowman) Senior Member Username: Snowman Post Number: 393 Registered: 12-2002 |
Do you guys have a licorice dispenser in your MG's? ..........  S- | ||
| Ron Brown (Ron) Senior Member Username: Ron Post Number: 294 Registered: 04-2001 |
During the crossover from 14CUX to GEMS (a little known fact GEMS uses many Bosch components) a lucas engineer finished working on the crank sensor wiring and proudly presented his work to the senior bosch engineer. The bosch engineer looked at it said "you have got a short circuit!" The lucas engineer replyed "no problem, I will make the wires longer" Ron | ||
| John Moore (Jmoore) Senior Member Username: Jmoore Post Number: 601 Registered: 10-2002 |
S- Licorice? What are you talking about... -John | ||
| TPH (Snowman) Senior Member Username: Snowman Post Number: 396 Registered: 12-2002 |
John Moore- Oh no! Think of the "Wayne's World" movie and an AMC Pacer cruising down the road with "Bohemian Rahpsody" playing extremely loud. Remember Garth had the licorice dispenser mounted near the rearview mirror? Sorry, I guess I was a little vague but it's one of my favorite movies with Dana Carvey. Your party on Wayne comment made my mind go to that classic scene. How's the MGB coming along? I've been visiting the MGB Experience site often to get a feel for what might be ahead of me if I ever get lucky enough to get one. It's a great site and a very resouceful group.  S- | ||
| Bryan Crosby (Bcroz) Member Username: Bcroz Post Number: 67 Registered: 03-2002 |
Snowman- Lokks like the wires to the dimmer reostat fried as well a a wire to the headlamp switch, Either a short in the wires or a bad switch. Either way, at least it's limited to that area and not something larger. Other than that, had a new electric fan put in last week, works great. Now if we would get a prolonged stretch of warm weather I'd be really happy. | ||
| John Moore (Jmoore) Senior Member Username: Jmoore Post Number: 602 Registered: 10-2002 |
I forgot about the Licorice! I haven't seen that movie in a long time, I will have to check it out again. The MG is coming along well. I really got to play/work with it this weekend. It's such a simple car, and so far it has been easy to work on. The parts aren't too badly priced either. Order a free catalog from Victoria British or Moss and you'll see what I mean. That is a great site. The guys there have been very helpful. I've even traded a few things, bumpers, tonneus, grills, etc. with the guys on that board. Come on stop looking, you NEED to get one... | ||
| Bryan Crosby (Bcroz) Member Username: Bcroz Post Number: 68 Registered: 03-2002 |
Snow, John is right. An MG that needs work can be had for around $2500-$3000. One ready to drive with little or no work needed is about $6000. Bought my last one on e-bay for $5500. Florida car, pretty clean with only a few mechanical things I want to put back to factory. The car was in good enough shape to drive from Daytona to Michigan. | ||
| Max Thomason (Lrmax) Member Username: Lrmax Post Number: 142 Registered: 11-2002 |
Heck, I don't wheel' after night b/c usually I have some sort of terminal electrical failure. Now, during the day, everything works like a charm. Go figure. Max T. Stupid aux. lights can't be used for nothin' | ||
| D. Howell (Blackandtan) New Member Username: Blackandtan Post Number: 18 Registered: 04-2003 |
Carter, >Oh yeah and why don't the brits have capital punishment?? -Lucas makes the electric chairs too For that matter, roads that can last almost half a century without serious rework were invented here in the U.S. But our roadbuilders could only push the funds needed for roads lasting half that long through Congress, to build the interstate system. Some European countries benefited from our tech though. | ||
| Bryan Crosby (Bcroz) Member Username: Bcroz Post Number: 70 Registered: 03-2002 |
John- Here's the latest on the MG. Crack in the head, replace with aluminum head-$900. New fuse block, new fan and thermostat, new heater valve, new wiring and switch to steering column, new rings and rod bearings. Beginning to think the Rover is cheaper to drive. Can't wait to try out the new head. I hope we get some dry weather so I can drive this thing this summer. | ||
| John Moore (Jmoore) Senior Member Username: Jmoore Post Number: 632 Registered: 10-2002 |
Ouch! Mine should be ready to go soon too! | ||
| Bryan Crosby (Bcroz) Member Username: Bcroz Post Number: 73 Registered: 03-2002 |
It's not an MG, it's a rolling ATM machine that spits out money to my mechanic. | ||
| John Moore (Jmoore) Senior Member Username: Jmoore Post Number: 634 Registered: 10-2002 |
LOL! But I guess you can use unleaded now, right? Think of all the money you will save not having to buy the lead additives. You get your money back in no time!  At this point, my Rover is less expensive to drive, except for the $40 per fill up! | ||
| trevor griffiths (Trevorgriffiths) Member Username: Trevorgriffiths Post Number: 96 Registered: 11-2002 |
I wonder if i should even share this with this crowd, but here goes: My dad brought Lucas to the US and set up their distribution network in the 50's. He was also an early' field rep' with many of the factory race teams; Aston, Jaguar AC / Shelby etc. Has a picture of the queen from her coronation, a picture with Carroll Shelby at Riverside in the early 60's and has a basement full of NOS obsolete Lucas (and Girling) parts. He may just be the true Prince of Darkness | ||
| John Moore (Jmoore) Senior Member Username: Jmoore Post Number: 636 Registered: 10-2002 |
Hey any MGB alternators, dash switches, bullet/sleeve connectors or wiring harnesses down there? I'm serious... | ||
| Jack Parker (Jack) Member Username: Jack Post Number: 150 Registered: 03-2002 |
....bullet/sleeve connectors, I forgot about those damn things How about the rocker switches that develop so much play, they move side-to-side as well as up and down? | ||
| John Moore (Jmoore) Senior Member Username: Jmoore Post Number: 637 Registered: 10-2002 |
Yup, the Prince is in my garage demanding alms. | ||
| Brad Russell (Bradnc) Senior Member Username: Bradnc Post Number: 273 Registered: 03-2002 |
http://www.bayourovers.com/index2.html Scroll down to the bottom and click on the Lucas Electrics Page....good stuff |
