| Author | Message | ||
     Mike Haun (Redrx7) Member Username: Redrx7 Post Number: 41 Registered: 04-2003 |
This is some funnies that someone posted on my website. There are adult words in this text, therefore if this offends you or you are not of age, please do not read any further. Some odd reason, I found this just funny, stupid, but funny. Take a peek: So I was having cybersex the other day. It was pretty good I guess. Here it is: bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight? BritneySpears14: Aight. bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah. BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja. bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up. bloodninja: Me too baby. BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest. bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman. BritneySpears14: Hey... bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite. BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it. bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness. BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous. bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands. bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid. BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit. bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal. bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him. bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now. bloodninja: Baby? ... bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you. j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u. bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure. j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go. j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck. bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory. j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on. j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt. bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts. j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game. bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass. j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious. bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass. bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet. j_gurli3: thats it. bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn. bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now. .. BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready? eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready. BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee. eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies. BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you. BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique. eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again. eminemBNJA: Oh shit BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up. eminemBNJA: Oh shit eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something .... last one: Girl: Hi Boy: hello Boy: who is this? Girl: just a someone? Boy: A someone I know? Girl: nope Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me? Girl: well sorrrrrry Girl: I just wanted to chat with you Boy: why? Girl: nevermind your an asshole Boy: Hey wait a minute Girl: yes? Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid Girl: paranoid? Boy: yes Girl: of what? Girl: me? Boy: No. I'm in hiding. Girl: LOL Boy: Don't ******* laugh at me! Boy: This shit is serious! Girl: What are you hiding from? Boy: The cops. Girl: gimme a ******* break Boy: I'm serious. Girl: I don't get it Boy: The cops are after me. Girl: For what? Boy: I'm wanted in three states Girl: For??? Boy: It's kindof embarrasing. Boy: I had sex with a turkey. Boy: Hello? Girl: You are ******* sick. Boy: Send me your picture. Girl: why? Boy: so I know you aren't one of them. Girl: One of what? Boy: The cops. Girl: I'm not a cop i told you Boy: Then send me your picture. Girl: hold on Boy: Hurry up. Boy: Are you there? Boy: **** you, cop! Girl: Hey sorry Girl: I had to do something for my mom. Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me. Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities. Boy: Weren't you!? Girl: thats not it Boy: Then what? Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty Boy: Most cops aren't Girl: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU DICKHEAD! Boy: Then send me the picture. Girl: fine. What's your e-mail? Boy: Just send it through here. Girl: alright *PIC* Girl: Did you get it? Boy: Hold on. I'm looking. Girl: That was me back in may Girl: I've lost weight since then. Boy: I hope so Girl: what?!? Girl: that hurt my feelings. Boy: Did it? Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now. Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture? Girl: yes Boy: Alright let me find it. Girl: kks Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC* Girl: this isn't you. Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't! Girl: You don't look like that. Boy: How the hell do you know? Girl: cause your profile has another picture. Boy: The profile pic is a fake. Boy: I use it to hide from the cops. Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy.... Boy: Not to mention all the groceries. Girl: Go **** yourself Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week. Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture. Girl: You've done nothing but slam me. Girl: you hurt me. Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me? Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me! Boy: Why would I do that? Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap.. Girl: FUC YOU!!! Boy: You'd break both of his legs. Girl: You're a ******* asshole. Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me Boy: Ok. I'm sorry. Girl: No you aren't Boy: You're right. I'm not. Boy: HAARRRRR! Girl: I'm done with you Boy: Aww. I'm sorry. Girl: I'm putting you on ignore Boy: Wait a sec Boy: We got off on the wrong foot. Boy: Wanna start over? Girl: No Boy: I'll eat your pussy Girl: You'll what? Boy: You heard me. Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy. Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy? Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes Boy: Well I'm not like most men. Boy: I get excited in different ways. Girl: Like what? Boy: Do you really wanna know? Girl: I don't know Boy: You have to tell me yes or no. Girl: I'm afraid to Boy: Why? Girl: cause Boy: cause why? Girl: well lets see Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you? Boy: Nope Girl: well its strange to me Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to Girl: I didn't say that Boy: So is that a yes? Girl: I guess so. Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though. Boy: Are you willing? Girl: What do you need me to do? Boy: I need you talk like a pirate. Girl: ??? Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!" Boy: ok? Boy: Hello? Girl: You can't be serious Boy: Oh yes I am! Boy: It's my fantasy. Girl: this is retarded Boy: Do you want it or not? Girl: Yes I want it. Boy: Then you'll do it for me? Girl: sure Boy: Ok. Here we go. Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs. Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy. Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit. Girl: mmmm yeah Boy: uh oh ...going limp. Girl: Har Boy: You gotta do better than that! Boy: Your picture was really bad. Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke. Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth. Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose. Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity. Girl: mmmmmm you are good Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder Boy: going limp Girl: HARRRRRRR Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands. Boy: You begin to sway back and forth. Boy: going limp Girl: this is stupid Boy: ...still limp Boy: Do it! Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole. Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass. Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole. Girl: WTF?!?!? Boy: They stink really bad. Girl: OMG STOP!!! Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg. Boy: I ram it up your ass. Girl: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!! Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head. Boy: And turn you into a ******* candy apple... Boy: I kick you in the face! Girl: **** YOU ASSHOLE!! Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin... Boy: Your parrot flys away. Boy: ...going limp again. Boy: Hello? Boy: Say it! Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!! | ||
| Chris Marcel (Gumarcel) Senior Member Username: Gumarcel Post Number: 347 Registered: 11-2002 |
OMG mike that is SOOO funny!!!!! This is great! my dad came in to see if i was ok, thats how hard i was laughing!!! | ||
| Mike Haun (Redrx7) Member Username: Redrx7 Post Number: 42 Registered: 04-2003 |
Chris- I first read it the other night @ 3:00 AM. My wife thought I was having a heart attack or something, for I was just roaring the in the office.  Glad you enjoyed it. Time for me to put on my robe and wizard hat. Mike | ||
| Chris Marcel (Gumarcel) Senior Member Username: Gumarcel Post Number: 348 Registered: 11-2002 |
yea but the rhino image is stuck in my head, thats the only bad part! | ||
| Richard Dekkard (Richard_dekkard) Member Username: Richard_dekkard Post Number: 44 Registered: 04-2003 |
buahahahahahahahaha..... | ||
| Todd Nash (Nash) New Member Username: Nash Post Number: 14 Registered: 02-2003 |
Holy Schmoly, I can't decide which is funnier, this crap or that poor sucker spinning with his light saber. Thanks for the extremely random post. | ||
| Rans (Rans) Senior Member Username: Rans Post Number: 528 Registered: 08-2002 |
I was really disappointed at the end of the third one when he didn't put on his robe and wizard hat! | ||
| Blake Luse (Muddyrover) Senior Member Username: Muddyrover Post Number: 843 Registered: 02-2002 |
that is funny as hell more more its like a reality tv show but funny. | ||
| Chris Marcel (Gumarcel) Senior Member Username: Gumarcel Post Number: 352 Registered: 11-2002 |
I brought that into school today and i showed it to my friends and everyone wanted to see it! It was quite funny!!!! | ||
| John (Jroc) Member Username: Jroc Post Number: 100 Registered: 08-2002 |
Mike, you're a sick fuck!!! Thanx for making me laugh!!! | ||
| M. K. Watson (Lrover94) Senior Member Username: Lrover94 Post Number: 768 Registered: 02-2002 |
mike: that was funny MIKE: serious now, is that real mike: i don't know but it was really funny | ||
| Rick D (Fatmcnasty) New Member Username: Fatmcnasty Post Number: 21 Registered: 04-2003 |
Can I play too... A friend was Traci »»Amussed«« : can we go out as friends sadTraci : do you have a robe and wizards hat? »»Amussed«« : sure sadTraci : no really!! »»Amussed«« : i dont »»Amussed«« : why »»Amussed«« : u like harry potter sadTraci : no thats not real »»Amussed«« : i see »»Amussed«« : so can u come over »»Amussed«« : lets go out and talk sadTraci : if you can get the robe and hat! Maby! »»Amussed«« : funny »»Amussed«« : its 11 pm »»Amussed«« : most stores are closed sadTraci : what do you mean funny. Im not the one that wants me to drop what im doing and come over and watch a movie with you.. sadTraci : at 11pm sadTraci : if im coming over you better have a god damn wizards hat and robe.. »»Amussed«« : i see »»Amussed«« : i have to be a wizard to get ya here sadTraci : ya they turn me on. »»Amussed«« : right »»Amussed«« : so you want sex? sadTraci : I didnt say that did I!! sadTraci : i sad it turn me on »»Amussed«« : if your turned on sadTraci : so you a cop or what!?!? »»Amussed«« : i better know you put out »»Amussed«« : i dont want a horny lady and cant touch sadTraci : so you have a robe or what sadTraci : I said, do you have a robe or what. »»Amussed«« : i have a birthday suit like you sadTraci : Do you like pirates, that's the other thing that turns me on sadTraci : everytime someone says AAARRRRRR, I get wet sadTraci : Ya know? »»Amussed«« : right sadTraci : You sure sound like a cop »»Amussed«« : so whats your address sadTraci : I'm not telling no damned cop my address »»Amussed«« : lets see this wettness sadTraci : send me a picture of you in your cape and wizards hat sadTraci : then we'll talk sadTraci : ya damned cop sadTraci : let me guess... sadTraci : "right" »»Amussed«« : shit »»Amussed«« : your funny »»Amussed«« : come over lets hang out »»Amussed«« : ***** se stark (gives address) sadTraci : that wasnt nice.. you hurt my feeling sadTraci : thats not my address COP!! »»Amussed«« : its mine sadTraci : right »»Amussed«« : it is »»Amussed«« : u drive sadTraci : so how do i know your not some psycho sadTraci : that will get me in you appartment and next thing i here is "you rubbs the lotion on the body." sadTraci : brb »»Amussed«« : whatever »»Amussed«« : bye bye sadTraci : so you want to meet? »»Amussed«« has left the conversation. My friend says thanks for the inspiration. |
