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Paul D. Morgan (V22guy)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 09:54 am: | 
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This is it. So it has been written, so it shall be.... The CODE
1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is
unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem. * You didn't see nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'llbe able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and a topless supermodel delivers it...and it's free.
20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay. |
M. K. Watson (Lrover94)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 10:42 am: |
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true true |
Jeff
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 12:00 pm: |
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ROTFLMAO |
Paul D. Morgan (V22guy)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 12:18 pm: |
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ROTFLMAO? What the hell does that mean?
Acronym challenged Guy! |
Greg Davis
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 01:31 pm: |
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Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off. |
Paul D. Morgan (V22guy)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 01:34 pm: |
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Thanks for the definition. I now know two acronyms!
Paul |
Lawrence Tilly (L_Tilly)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 01:35 pm: |
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ROTFLMAO=Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off
Personal Fav = 24
L_Tilly lnctilly@mediaone.net
96 Disco "Beowulf" NH, USA |
Paul D. Morgan (V22guy)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 01:37 pm: |
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#20 seems to be quite popular with my co-workers.
Paul |
gp (Garrett)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 01:44 pm: |
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#16 i cannot stress enough.
cats serve no purpose in this world of ours. some say the same for me, but they can kiss my ass.
 |
Paul D. Morgan (V22guy)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 01:47 pm: |
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Garrett,
At work, we have had very long arguments about throwing a cat out of a V-22! Some say the cat will land on it's feet and it will hurt. Others argue the cat will have a heart attack and die before hitting the ground. The PETA people would not be pleased!
Paul |
gp (Garrett)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 02:23 pm: |
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there use to be a great website called bonsaikitten.com, but for now it seems to be gone. it showed and explained (in much detail) how to 'grow' a kitten inside a glass jar. it was pretty funny actually. guess someone from PETA got wind of it and shut the site down. bummer. here is the banner from the old site at least.
 |
designated drunk
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 02:25 pm: |
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I think # 7 should be taken of the list |
Paul D. Morgan (V22guy)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 02:25 pm: |
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LOL!
That is incredible! |
gp (Garrett)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 02:27 pm: |
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it is there actually. must have been typing it wrong!!
http://www.bonsaikitten.com/
enjoy! |
gp (Garrett)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 02:32 pm: |
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taken from the website above:
US scientists have found evidence that cats really do drive people mad.
Researchers from Baltimore's Johns Hopkins University say their findings show keeping a furry pet can lead to schizophrenia, manic depression and even permanent brain damage.
Dr Robert Yolken and his colleague, Dr Fuller Torrey, who have conducted years of tests, believe a parasite found in cat faeces called toxoplasma gondii infects the human brain.
Worryingly, pregnant women who contract the parasite, can transmit it to the foetus, with devastating effects on brain development. |
Paul D. Morgan (V22guy)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 02:33 pm: |
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Only in America can this happen. I like the idea of launching then out of a V-22. You see, it's less labor intensive than the glass jar.
Paul |
gp (Garrett)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 02:37 pm: |
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yes i agree. you may want to ask kyle about the fun he has had with cats.
talk about twisted.
it involves cats, bags and a bridge.
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Paul D. Morgan (V22guy)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 02:40 pm: |
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Hopefully Kyle is reading this and will be able to share with the group. |
Roverine
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 08:11 pm: |
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god dang it, Garrett, Discoeb's only been back up 8-9 days, and you have to start in on the kitties again!!! ...
Deeeaaan, where are you?? Make them stop......!
ROTFLMAO, to "The Man Code" ...ahhh, so this explains a few things ....
Kim |
gp (Garrett)
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 10:47 pm: |
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cats are like the osama's of the world. we need to be rid of them.....at any cost.
dean cannot back you up.....it is against the 'man code' and we will think less of him.
guys can be nice to cats and all.......just not around other dudes. that ain't cool.
kinda like patn' a dude on the butt......only if you are playing a sport is that possible.....outside that you are only gonna get your ass kicked. |
Anonymous
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 11:43 pm: |
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guys:
I am a guy. I like dogs, I also like cats. I have an MP5 and several handguns. Don't mess with my cats. |
ravensjk
| | Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2002 - 11:49 pm: |
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Good god. That site is sick. As for the sports butt patting, I never got that. I play on three different sports teams and whenever that happens it still takes me by surprise.
All joking aside... I wouldn't trust anyone willing to hurt a cat with a child or any loved one, ever.
Jason |
KJ
| | Posted on Friday, February 22, 2002 - 01:02 am: |
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Jason,
I'd pat your ass any day, just for saying that! Dammit Garrett, SHADDUP! LOL! Kim, you got my back? Julie, if you're reading, kick gp in the shins for us will ya? Withhold sex, too, just because.
Karen :P Next web site: www.bonzaibadboyz.com |
Reel Man
| | Posted on Friday, February 22, 2002 - 01:49 am: |
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Join your girlfriend in dissing a buddy??? Withholding sex???
Gimme a break!!! No Real Man would dis his buddy for any reason! especially if your girl pulls the "hold out" card!!! All women have nut envy. They try and get YOUR nuts, and if you give em up, your done! They're only attracted to guys who won't give em up!!! Once you let a girl wrap her dental floss around those babys, say goodnight gracie!!!
And if the star quarterback won't perform, ya gotta go to the backup! Or the third string!!! Always keep a deep bench! |
Horness Spencer (Horness)
| | Posted on Friday, February 22, 2002 - 04:39 am: |
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This of course is closely followed by the BlowJ*b Etiquette
By a Woman
1. First and foremost we are not obliged to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you do get one be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw but it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No I don't have to swallow.
5. My ears are not handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally I don't want to puke on your prick.
7. I don't care how relaxed you are it's NEVER ok to fart.
8. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I have ruined it for you.
9. No it doesn't particularly taste good and I don't care about the
protein count.
10. No I will not do it while you watch t.v.
By a Man
1. First of all, yes you're obliged to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting, Does the word "queer" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning.
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavour country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we have had better.
11. If you swallow you won't have to worry about getting any on your face will you? |
M. K. Watson (Lrover94)
| | Posted on Friday, February 22, 2002 - 10:15 am: |
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oh man........ |
Kent Westbrook
| | Posted on Friday, February 22, 2002 - 10:29 am: |
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Yikes!!! Can't see the ladies responding to that one. |
SOLO
| | Posted on Friday, February 22, 2002 - 01:38 pm: |
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Oh man that way too funny..I have a feeling this is going to turn into a long thread. 
Larry |
v22guy
| | Posted on Friday, February 22, 2002 - 05:44 pm: |
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Rule 27 was broken at work today. Some guy was attempting conversation while I was conducting "ops" at the stall. Afterwards I sent the MAN CODE to him via email.
Some guys just don't get it!
Paul |
M. K. Watson (Lrover94)
| | Posted on Friday, February 22, 2002 - 08:46 pm: |
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ok, i am not a fan of any cat less than 50 pounds but i have to say that is sick! |
SOLO
| | Posted on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 01:24 pm: |
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An addition to rule #27 Never ask a guy "What's Up" while in the mens room. |
Chris Merritt (Smokinbro)
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 12:08 pm: |
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Bathroom etiquette:
no talking except for one word - "heh"
the only reply is a grunt and/or a nod.
Talking occurs back in the bar, between periods... |
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