| Author | Message | ||
     Sean Roche (Crazy_fish) New Member Username: Crazy_fish Post Number: 15 Registered: 10-2003 |
Modified from an original version.... December 8 - 6:00 PM. It started. The first Land Rover and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes of rust drift down from underneath. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love Land Rovers! I order catalogs and shop manuals. December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of oil covering every inch of the driveway. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely vision in the Whole World? Buying a Land Rover was the best idea I've ever had. Greased up for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I powerwashed both our driveway and the sidewalk. Took it for a nice drive. This afternoon I filled it up again and it covered up the sidewalks and the driveway,so I got to powerwash it again. What a perfect life. Bob says I should watch the wiring. I thank him. December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow and it leaked into the Land Rover. Such a thrill. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have more leaks. I order some parts. No Land Rover parts for Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so many modifications on the list by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see catalogs again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor. Watched BBC on TV. December 14 - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The windshield is frozen solid and won't defrost. I order the Super Canadian Window defroster kit. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by filling up my engine oil and my transfer case. This is the life! Put it into 4 wheel low and drove around town. The oil puddles came back this afternoon and dirtied everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much refilling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my tires and bought a set of Extreme Off-road tires. Drove to the almost empty supermarket, bought Thomas' English Muffins. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra quarts of oil. Stocked the garage with gear oil and fuses and duct tape. The wife wants a hand warmer in case the alternator goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. Drank Scotch. December 16 - UPS truck drove right by. Fell on my ass on the oil slick in the driveway getting out. Hurt like hell. Ordered some nice side steps to be delivered by UPS. The wife laughed for an hour, Which I think was very cruel. December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere fast. Land Rover heater was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a iPod, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own drivers seat. December 20 - Heater's back on, but had another hose break last night. Ordered more parts, UPS to deliver. More tools and fixing. Took all day. Goddamn UPS drove right by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to help, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only Land Rover parts store around to see about buying a heater blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to clean up or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. Tossed out the damn English Muffins. December 22 - Bob was right about the wiring because 3 more shorts showed today, and it's so cold I probably won't get to it till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to work on the Land Rover and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to fix anything. Drank beer. Tried to hire Bob who has a heated garaage for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying. December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! I have to add an ARB bumper to my Land Rover. Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying. December 24 - Radiator frozen so hard, l broke the water pump. Brakes squealing. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that UPS truck I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken water pump. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish fixing something and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and laughs at me! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy drinking cheap beer and watching the newest Land Rover DVD. December 25 - Merry f---ing Christmas! Rear differential empty. Swivels dry. The idea of adding oil makes my blood boil. God I hate the oil leaks! Then the UPS driver came by asking for directions to my house and I hit him over the head with my cubby box. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her onto the roof rack. December 26 - Still not moving. Why the hell did I ever try to add an overdrive? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. The Land Rover parts bill has arrived but no parts from UPS. Bob says Land Rover Parts is a few days behind schedule. December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the steering box jammed, Land Rover mechanic came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me 1,400 to replace my gaskets. Drank Thunderbird. Watched Married with Children. December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Roof rack peeled off sneaking into Bob's heated garage. Ice melted and covered the seats and carpet with dirty salty slush. Headlights not working. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!! December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to add more oil conditioner or it could fail. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? Moron hasn't even noticed his trashed garage door. December 30 - Engine seized up. I beat up the UPS driver he is now suing me for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken cubby box up his *&#$*#. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted. December 31 - I set fire to Bob. I'm going to live in my roof top Land Rover tent. January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me with bottled water. I have all the latest Land Rover catalogs and shop manuals. Why won't they let me work on my Land Rover? | ||
| Matthew A. Barnes (Discoveryxd) Senior Member Username: Discoveryxd Post Number: 334 Registered: 08-2003 |
hhhmmmmmmm...  | ||
| Andrew Maier (Newman) Senior Member Username: Newman Post Number: 526 Registered: 04-2003 |
Voice of experience there, Sean?  | ||
| Robert M. Godshall (Robert_godshall) New Member Username: Robert_godshall Post Number: 24 Registered: 07-2003 |
Wow sounds alot like my Christmas I didnt even have to get a tree. My instrument panel took care of that This concludes my current statement Bob |
