By Paddy on Monday, August 13, 2001 - 05:48 am: Edit

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade
next when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily
accented voice said. "This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland.
I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on
you!" "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important
news! Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this moment in time,"
said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my
cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Gerry, and the entire dominoes
team from the pub -- that makes 8!" Saddam sighed. "I must tell
you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on
my command."

"Begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure
enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war
is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "And
what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we
have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from
the farm."

Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16
thousand tanks, 14 thousand armoured personnel carriers, and my
army has increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke."
"Really?!" said Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war
is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've
modified Ted's ultra-light with a couple of rifles in the cockpit
and the bridge team has joined us as well!" Saddam was silent for
a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10
thousand bombers, 20 thousand MiG 19 attack planes, my military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile
sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2
million." "Faith and begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring
you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right
Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off
the war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden
change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy "We've all had a chat, and
there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."