Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 08:04 pm:

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I read Discoweb, but take all they say with a GIANT grain of salt. There are some knowlegdable guys on there, but for the most part discoweb represents exactly what I *didn't* like about the offroad community when I owned Jeeps. Lots of huge egos, beer-drinking fools (oh, sorry, the Discoweb posers drink scotch to differentiate themselves from the Jeepers), and trashtalking of other vehicles. Dumb.

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Posted on Tuesday, December 17, 2002 - 11:43 am:

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That is very true, Musky. The Freelander is not a truck, it is a road biased 4wd SUV. That's what it was designed to do, and it does that better and cheaper than the Disco ever will. Nothing wrong with that.

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Posted on Tuesday, December 17, 2002 - 11:59 am:

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That was a loving and "caring" gesture in this holiday season. Now, go kick his ass.

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Posted on Tuesday, December 17, 2002 - 02:22 pm:

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asking Paul why he is apologizing about a bottle of Scotch

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Posted on Tuesday, December 17, 2002 - 06:01 pm:

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10 Best Land Rover Tools of All Time
10 Best Land Rover Tools of All Time

Forget the Snap-On Tools truck; it's never been there when you needed it. Besides, there are only 10 things in this world you need to fix any Land Rover, any place, and any time.

#1.- Duct Tape
Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in stickum and plastic. It's safety wire, body material, radiator hose, upholstery, insulation, towrope, and more in an easy to carry package. Sure, there's prejudice surrounding duct tape in concourse competitions, but in the real world, everything from Lemans winning Porches to Atlas rocket use it by the yard.

#2.- Vice Grips
A.K.A. "The Mole Wrench" - Equally adapt as a wrench, hammer, pliers, bailing wire twister, breaker-off of frozen bolts and wiggle-it-till-it-falls off tool. The heavy artillery of your toolbox, vice grips is the only tool designed expressly to fix things screwed up beyond repair (and sometimes screw them up beyond even Vice Grip repair!). Also used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

#3.- Spray Lubricants
A considerably cheaper alternative to new doors, alternator, and other squeaky items. Slicker than pig phlegm, repeated soakings will allow the hull bolts of the Andrea Doria to be removed by hand. Strangely enough, an integral part of these sprays is the infamous little plastic tube that flies out of the nozzle and into orbit if you look at it cross eyed (one of the 10 worst tool components of all time).

#4.- Margarine Tubs with Clear Lids
If you spend all your time under the hood looking for a frendle pin that caromed off the petal valve when you knocked both off the air cleaner, it's because you eat butter. Real mechanics consume pounds of tasteless vegetable oil replicas just so they can use the empty tubs for parts containers afterward (some of course chuck the butter-colored goo altogether or use it to repack wheel bearings or to oil stop leaks from your front hubs). Unlike air cleaners and radiator lips, margarine tubs aren't connected by a time/space wormhole to the Parallel Universe of Lost Frendle Pins.

#5.- Big Rock at the Side of the Road
Block up a tire. Smack corroded battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop noisy know-it-all types on the noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a hammer that packs the raw banging power of granite or limestone. This is the only tool with which a "made in India" emblem is not synonymous with the user's maiming.

#6.- Plastic Zip Ties
After 20 years of lashing down stray hose and wiring with old bread ties, some genius brought a slightly slicked up version to the auto parts market. Fifteen zip ties can transform a hulking mass of amateur quality wiring from a working model of the Brazilian Rain Forest into something remotely resembling a wiring harness. Of course it works both ways. When buying a used car, subtract $100 for each zip tie.

#7.- Ridiculously Large Standard Screwdriver
Let's admit it. There's nothing better for prying, chiselling, lifting, breaking, splitting, or mutilating than a large flat bladed screwdriver particularly when wielded with gusto and a big hammer. This is also the tool of choice for all filters so insanely located that they can only be removed by driving a stake in one end and out the other. If you break the screwdriver and you will - just like Dad and your Shop teacher said - who cares, if it has a lifetime guarantee.

#8.- Bailing Wire
Commonly known as LR muffler brackets, bailing wire holds anything that's too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape, it's not recommended for concourse competition since it works so well you'll never need to replace it with the right thing again. Bailing wire is a sentimental favorite in some circles, particularly with the MG, Triumph, and flathead Ford set, not to mention every British motorcycle ever made.

#9.- Bonking Stick
This monstrous tuning fork with devilishly pointy ends is technically known as a Land Rover motor mount adjuster, but how often do you adjust motor mounts? Once every decade if you're lucky. Other than medieval combat, its real use is the all purpose application of undue force, not unlike that of the huge flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal panel or frozen exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking stick (Can also be used to adjust motor mounts in a pinch, of course, but does a lousy job of doing it).

#10.- A Quarter and a Phone Booth

Submitted by Frank in Virginia


__________________
Aaron
Oregon/Colorado

2002 Freelander SE Oslo Blue/Alpaca
FreelanderOwners.com

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