Enjoy the following (taken from an Autozone FaceBook question). Professional Comedians can't do better:
You take the exact same route to work everyday. However, approaching the usual stop light, it takes your car longer to come to a complete stop with a feeling that your car is "nose diving." What could be the problem?
Sounds like your roof is leaking brake fluid. Open your sunroof, and check the seals for any leaking fluid. If so, turn on the dome light, and pull your hand brake to check the pressure on the Hydraulic whatchamacallit...then repeat with the doo hickey in the trunk. Then replace your wiper blades.
Muffler bearings are out of calibration!!
Took the body out of the trunk
Percocet kicking in.
You were texting and looked up and the light changed and now you have to slam on the brakes just to stop and hope the person behind you doesn't run into you because they were doing the same thing.
The liquid in the back tires was to high and too low in the front ones and two fat chicks eating a wing dinner squirted ketchup on the rotors to go faster than 20 mph a mechanic told the to do that and yes they were driving that fine automobile 10 mph and still ran the light.
Headlight fluid
Ate too much for lunch.
Car needs a torque arm.
Seat belts, nut holding the wheel.
You weren't going exactly 88mph at the time you went under the light.
You need to buy a 6 pack of air, and install it in front of the radiator
You have to buy a real muscle car....say a 57 chevy....they don't nosedive.
Probably your headlights draining the alternator and causing the tires to go flat.
It's the flux capacitor: O'Reillys has them
My tire water was low which caused it to make my blinker fluid low which caused my mirror weights to push forward, which in fact caused my shocks to burst and my motor to drop
It's the continium transfunctioner
It can be low suspension fluid or probably you have to change from summer fluid to fall fluid.
You just fell asleep
If it is a DeLorean, it means someone spilled cocaine on the pavement.
Either the "stopper thingys", or them "up and down squeaker majigs", although, could need more "pffft" in the "rolly pollys".
Global warming.
Your passenger has gained 150 lbs?
Simple. The kanueter valve in the Johnson rod lost pneumatic pressure. Replace the O2 sensor.
sink hole
Oil filter solenoid.
the windshield wiper are wiping in the wrong direction, causing the air flow over the car to push too hard on the front end!f it isn't a suspension problem, inspect rear brakes, as they help "pull" the rear of the car down for a more level stop.
Your wife is still on the phone?
Check the rear high beams. It also could be brake fluid leaking from your intake manifold.
You take the exact same route to work everyday. However, approaching the usual stop light, it takes your car longer to come to a complete stop with a feeling that your car is "nose diving." What could be the problem?
Sounds like your roof is leaking brake fluid. Open your sunroof, and check the seals for any leaking fluid. If so, turn on the dome light, and pull your hand brake to check the pressure on the Hydraulic whatchamacallit...then repeat with the doo hickey in the trunk. Then replace your wiper blades.
Muffler bearings are out of calibration!!
Took the body out of the trunk
Percocet kicking in.
You were texting and looked up and the light changed and now you have to slam on the brakes just to stop and hope the person behind you doesn't run into you because they were doing the same thing.
The liquid in the back tires was to high and too low in the front ones and two fat chicks eating a wing dinner squirted ketchup on the rotors to go faster than 20 mph a mechanic told the to do that and yes they were driving that fine automobile 10 mph and still ran the light.
Headlight fluid
Ate too much for lunch.
Car needs a torque arm.
Seat belts, nut holding the wheel.
You weren't going exactly 88mph at the time you went under the light.
You need to buy a 6 pack of air, and install it in front of the radiator
You have to buy a real muscle car....say a 57 chevy....they don't nosedive.
Probably your headlights draining the alternator and causing the tires to go flat.
It's the flux capacitor: O'Reillys has them
My tire water was low which caused it to make my blinker fluid low which caused my mirror weights to push forward, which in fact caused my shocks to burst and my motor to drop
It's the continium transfunctioner
It can be low suspension fluid or probably you have to change from summer fluid to fall fluid.
You just fell asleep
If it is a DeLorean, it means someone spilled cocaine on the pavement.
Either the "stopper thingys", or them "up and down squeaker majigs", although, could need more "pffft" in the "rolly pollys".
Global warming.
Your passenger has gained 150 lbs?
Simple. The kanueter valve in the Johnson rod lost pneumatic pressure. Replace the O2 sensor.
sink hole
Oil filter solenoid.
the windshield wiper are wiping in the wrong direction, causing the air flow over the car to push too hard on the front end!f it isn't a suspension problem, inspect rear brakes, as they help "pull" the rear of the car down for a more level stop.
Your wife is still on the phone?
Check the rear high beams. It also could be brake fluid leaking from your intake manifold.