Democrat, Republican or Southerner?

[andrewv]

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner????
Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following questions:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Glock Model 27, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?



Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor, or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....
(sounds of reloading).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or hollow Points?
Son: Git-r-Dun Pop! Can I shoot the next one!
Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist

 

[WCURoverD90]

Thats funny no matter how many times I hear it.

 

[bri]

Really? I called the thing before I read it. I'd say its the same old boring joke no matter how many times I have heard it.

 

[Andrew Homan]

Is there an answer where you get a high powered rifle with a nice scope?

 

[Bannon88]

Really? I called the thing before I read it. I'd say its the same old boring joke no matter how many times I have heard it.

That's because the joke is on the Dems, if it was the other was around you'd be laughing!

 

[montanablur]

How to be a good Republican...

1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's gasoline prices are all Clinton's fault.

2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.

4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs.

5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.

6. You have to believe everything Rush Limbaugh says.

7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.

8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.

9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.

10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.

11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.

13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.

14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

15. You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.

16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.

18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.

 

[edthediscoman]

See...this is why subscription to political "parties" (I see no keg?) seems idiotic and small minded. I do however wanna party with the Southern crowd!

 

[Timmy!!!!!!!]

16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

You want to know something funny. President Clinton grew up in a Southern Baptist Church. I am not sure if he is still a member there or not though.

 

[KEJ]

You want to know something funny. President Clinton grew up in a Southern Baptist Church. I am not sure if he is still a member there or not though.

Have you been to Hope, Arkansas? It's Southern Baptist or pretty much not much else.

KJ

 

[Bannon88]

1. Right because Clinton had nothing to do with the .com bubble bursting
2. No, but it sure helps.
3. Too young to worry about SS, it won't be around, you Dems shun solutions.
4. Diseases happen sometimes for no reason, but more often than not they can be avoided.
5. Sure we do, you liberal bastards keep letting the criminals out of prison.
6. Pretty much, just don't believe him about his drug problem.
7. Right, because the poor are standing in line to take those jobs. Your welfare programs instill laziness. Latinos = Work.
8. True dat.
9. Growing up black doesn't mean you become a criminal, I voted for Keyes. I surely didn't vote for the current Gov of IL, he legal woes and ties to corruption will become legendary in your party before too long.
10. Because making money is wrong.
11. I don't pray at all, takes too much time away for fixing my rover.
12. As faithful as Clinton and JFK?
13. Tighten tus heuvos, homes!
14. My kids are under five, both boys, I'm in good shape so far.
15. Well if the liberals owned anything worth a shit......
16. That's news to me, but it's better to have him on our side than yours!
17. Wow, you really lumped then all together like that! I don't get that one, I lose one point here.
18. No, the poor kid's single parent usually cashes in the voucher along with the welfare check for beer and drugs, teaches the kids the same things, parent goes to prison, child soon follows, rinse lather repeat, but somehow in all this the Dems will not offer a solution, blame the Republicans, and let even more prisoners out of prison.

 

[noee]

I do however wanna party with the Southern crowd!

c'mon on over brother, the fire in stove is warm and the boiled peanuts are good'n soft about now! We'll be a'waitin' for ya! White Lighnin' in one hand, banjo in the other.

 

[edthediscoman]

c'mon on over brother, the fire in stove is warm and the boiled peanuts are good'n soft about now! We'll be a'waitin' for ya! White Lighnin' in one hand, banjo in the other.

That sounds like a fun time. I have a good buddy from Alabama, he was always talkin' 'bout the good huntin' times. I have never fired a gun, but if I was going to, I think alot of moonshine beforehand would be a necessity. "Give the guy on the floor the rifle".

 

[Steve]

I for one never cease to be offended with the crap posted on DWeb. Every gun-toting Republican knows you have to "double-tap". Jeez.

 

[garrett]

well my favorite conservatives are god fearing people with the with 'jesus' inside the fish logo. the religious right commulatively have enough brain power to to have Rush make all their decisions for them. the same people that flip on Pat Robertson and repeat after him day in and day out. this group of people frighten me more than any other segment of our population.

EDIT. i prefer this logo.

 

[CADisco]

That's because the joke is on the Dems, if it was the other was around you'd be laughing!

I'm afraid the joke is on all of us. Anyone who makes negative generalizations about people from the opposing party are nothing but mindless twits (calling Democrats "Liberal" or Republican's "Neocons"). Although I never understood how that King of mindless twits, Rush Limbaugh, was able to turn a good wholesome word like "liberal" (open minded, willing to believe in the nature of man, etc.) into something distasteful..?

If you vote for your parties candidate simply because he or she is from your party, you are a mindless twit too. These bozos in Washington are stroking themselves all the way to the bank, betting on how stupid and nieve we all are when we buy into the hate-speak they sprew at us every few years. They have managed to turn our entire country one against the other simply to keep their political power; we haven't been this divided as a nation since the damn Civil War!

George Jr. is a twit, he has always been a spoiled brat who never accomplished anything on his own, and the Republican leadership knew it. But the big money boys knew they could control him, he had name recognition, wasn't bad looking, and he spoke a little Spanish. The guy was born w/ a silver spoon in his mouth, babied throughout his life, given special treatment at every turn, even has a self-proclaimed drug addiction (alcohol); yet we put him in the Oval Office. We are all a bigger bunch of twits for repeating the mistake twice.

I love to debate issues and will challenge anyone to an open exchange of ideas. I enjoy it and find it helps me formualte my opinions. But when the name calling starts because of political affiliation, you've lost my interest and respect, because you're a twit to have bought into the world Rush Limbaugh or Jessie jackson sold you.

OK, I feel better now...

 

[garrett]

I'm afraid the joke is on all of us. Anyone who makes negative generalizations about people from the opposing party are nothing but mindless twits (calling Democrats "Liberal" or Republican's "Neocons"). Although I never understood how that King of mindless twits, Rush Limbaugh, was able to turn a good wholesome word like "liberal" (open minded, willing to believe in the nature of man, etc.) into something distasteful..?

If you vote for your parties candidate simply because he or she is from your party, you are a mindless twit too. These bozos in Washington are stroking themselves all the way to the bank, betting on how stupid and nieve we all are when we buy into the hate-speak they sprew at us every few years. They have managed to turn our entire country one against the other simply to keep their political power; we haven't been this divided as a nation since the damn Civil War!

George Jr. is a twit, he has always been a spoiled brat who never accomplished anything on his own, and the Republican leadership knew it. But the big money boys knew they could control him, he had name recognition, wasn't bad looking, and he spoke a little Spanish. The guy was born w/ a silver spoon in his mouth, babied throughout his life, given special treatment at every turn, even has a self-proclaimed drug addiction (alcohol); yet we put him in the Oval Office. We are all a bigger bunch of twits for repeating the mistake twice.

I love to debate issues and will challenge anyone to an open exchange of ideas. I enjoy it and find it helps me formualte my opinions. But when the name calling starts because of political affiliation, you've lost my interest and respect, because you're a twit to have bought into the world Rush Limbaugh or Jessie jackson sold you.

OK, I feel better now...

thank you. so do i.

 

[rovercanus]

I'll feel better when our choices are better then a "giant douche and a turd sandwich".

 

[MarkP]

Although I never understood how that King of mindless twits, Rush Limbaugh, was able to turn a good wholesome word like "liberal" (open minded, willing to believe in the nature of man, etc.) into something distasteful..?

Because the current crop of Democrats aren't what they used to be. Kind of like the classical definition of Liberal.

Liberalism is an ideology, philosophy, political tradition, and current of political thought, which holds liberty as the primary political value.[1] Broadly speaking, liberalism seeks a society characterized by freedom of thought for individuals, limitations on the power of government and religion (and sometimes corporations), the rule of law, the free exchange of ideas, a market economy that supports private enterprise, and a system of government that is transparent. This form of government favors liberal democracy with open and fair elections, where all citizens have equal rights by law, and an equal opportunity to succeed.​

That doesn't describe today's Democrat Party or today's "liberal". Ask Zell Miller. It is because today's left has strayed so far from it's roots that entertainers like Rush Limbaugh (he'd be the first to tell you he is an entertainer) are able to, as you described it, "turn a good wholesome word like "liberal" into something distasteful". As noted in Wikipedia

Over the past three centuries, "liberalism" and "conservatism" have in some ways exchanged positions. It was liberalism that objected to the then status quo ... tyrannical monarchies ... in 18th and 19th century Europe. Liberals espoused the importance of individual rights relative to the government. As more democratic governments have succeeded overall in replacing monarchies and dictatorships, it is the conservatives who have become the champions of individual rights versus intrusions into the private sector by big government.​

When people think of liberals they think of angry, anti-war, progressive (just another name for socialism and communism), totalitarian, etc . . . The current characterization of liberals will only change when classical liberals sieze the power within the Democrat Party and evict the current occupants.

Same could be said for today's Republicans vs. Conservatives although I believe the Democrat Party has a lot longer distance to travel to return to the classical definition of liberalism.

 

[andrewv]

I'm afraid the joke is on all of us. Anyone who makes negative generalizations about people from the opposing party are nothing but mindless twits (calling Democrats "Liberal" or Republican's "Neocons"). Although I never understood how that King of mindless twits, Rush Limbaugh, was able to turn a good wholesome word like "liberal" (open minded, willing to believe in the nature of man, etc.) into something distasteful..?

OK, I feel better now...

You feel better because you called yourself a mindless twit

 

[CADisco]

You feel better because you called yourself a mindless twit

I didn't make a generalization about conservatives or Republicans. I didn't even generalize about ditto heads, I called that fat sack of puke, Rush Limbaugh a twit.

I thought that was pretty darn specific.