Single Parent Family

GregH

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Apr 24, 2004
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I had been talking with a friend of mine that teaches PE at a local High School regarding the on-site child day care center at her school. She told me that more than half the female students are mothers (the majority-unwed).

Apparently many of the parents of these girls actually encourage their daughters to be sexually active and have kids while in high school-as they were when they were that age!

Received this via email today from a local state senator and thought it was interesting:




The Failure of the Single Parent Family
How to Really Close the Achievement Gap and Help Kids

It is time to recognize that there is another form of inequality in the circumstances of growing up and getting educated: It is whether a child grows up with two parents in the home, or one.

?The Family: America?s Smallest School?, Paul E. Barton and Richard J. Coley

Introduction

It is often said that society should not punish children for the mistakes of their parents, yet that is exactly what we do by our unwillingness to address honestly the abandonment of children by their parents. It is time to face facts.

The Family Portrait is Torn

In the United States today, too many children are left behind ? not by government, but by those who should care for them. In 2003-04, 44 percent of births to women under 30 ? about one million babies ? were to unmarried women. Among African-Americans, over three-quarters of births were to single mothers.1 (Lest one pin all the blame on the mother, note that the most significant factors predicting whether an unwed mother will marry the father are the father?s supportiveness of the mother and his positive attitude toward marriage.2) Moreover, over 30 percent of children are being raised in single-parent families; among African-Americans, only 35 percent of children are being raised in two-parent homes. Most disturbing, the figures are getting worse for children across all ethnic groups. 3

The Single-Parent Family Movie: Some Scenes May Be Disturbing

The portrait of the fractured family is one thing, but when put in motion, the grim consequences of unmarried motherhood and fatherless families are made clear.

On average, children with married parents have higher grade point averages and test higher than those in other family structures, the lowest being among children with divorced parents.4
High school graduation rates for children from two-parent families reach 90 percent, while for children from never-married-mother families only 69 percent graduate.5
Children in divorced families are nearly twice as likely to be expelled from school than those in married families, and children in single-parent, never-married families are over four times likely to be expelled.6
Rates of incarceration among those raised by one parent only are twice as high as for those raised in intact married-parent families7
Both substance abuse and early sexual activity are associated with a single parent upbringing, and women from single-mother families have about twice the chance of having a child out of marriage by age 20 than women from two-parent families.8
Compared to adults raised in two-parent families, those raised in single-parent families earned, on average, $5,015 less per year than their peers.9
Clearly, children raised in two-parent families tend to exhibit behavior that better prepares them to be positive contributors to society, and this is borne out by comparisons of adults based on family structure.

Some will take issue with the notion that family composition significantly influences academic and behavioral changes. They will point to exceptions, and most everyone knows someone who defies the trends. But the data shows that these success stories are indeed exceptions and those who have defied the odds are likely exceptional individuals raised by an exceptional parent. Unfortunately, this is a relatively rare circumstance, and to deny it is to deny years of empirical data and deliberate research.

Others will assert that it is not family structure, but other factors ? family income and parental education, for example ? that exert the most influence. It is true that researchers have not sufficiently isolated all the variables to say definitively that single-parent families result in less successful children Nevertheless, this failure to prove causation does not mean the cause does not exist, only that it has not been proven.10 Yet when looked at holistically, it is impossible to deny a strong correlation between family structure and children?s well-being, and difficult to conclude anything other than that children raised in two-parent married families fare better than children raised in other circumstances.

Whatever their relationship, a variety of negative factors are associated with single-parent families. For example, single parents tend to be less educated and to have fewer financial resources than married parents. In fact, among women under 30 with less than a high school diploma, more than 60 percent of births were outside marriage.11 Not surprisingly, more than two-thirds of children in single-parent families were living in poverty ? a rate five and one-half times greater than for children being raised by their married parents.12 For children in a single-parent family, these circumstances frequently converge and form a dangerous intersection. While reading to preschool-aged children has been shown to lead to higher reading achievement and social development, a less educated parent is less likely to read to a child, as is a less wealthy parent, as is a single parent.13

A Model for Change

Out-of-marriage births, father absence, and divorce are personal choices and legal, but detrimental to a child?s well-being and the nation?s general welfare. How do we reverse the trend? One way is through a campaign to shift societal norms, an effort with which the nation has had recent success.

In 1964, 50 percent of American men and 35 percent of American women smoked. That same year, the Surgeon General reported on smoking?s harmful effects. Slowly, smoking became more widely acknowledged as a health hazard, first to smokers themselves, then to others. By 1985, former Health, Education, and Welfare secretary Joseph Califano called it not just ?slow motion suicide,? but ?slow motion murder.? California?s Department of Health Services sought to ?denormalize? smoking such that it became ?an abnormal practice.? By 2003, smoking was ?considered a deviant behavior.?14

It may be neither desirable nor necessary to conduct a campaign stigmatizing single mothers and absent fathers as deviants. It may be more effective, rather, to promote marriage and the idea that submission of the self to the responsibilities of raising one?s children into a better life is among the highest and most noble of callings. This will take work, but it is no more impossible than the societal mobilization that has so reduced smoking and its deadly consequences. Moreover, a failure to even attempt to address family structure as it pertains to child well-being calls into question the values of a society that so often claims to place before virtually all else the interests of children. Demanding ever more money for schools and universal preschool may make some feel good, but it is misplaced as another generation is being born into fractured or never-were families, and another generation of kids will be left to cope with a social disease we are unwilling to cure.

References

1 Barton, Paul E. and Coley, Richard J. ?The Family: America?s Smallest School.? Educational Testing Service. January 2007.
2 Fagan, Patrick F. and Johnson, Kirk A. ?The Map of the Family.? Heritage Foundation.
3 Barton and Coley.
4 Fagan and Johnson.
5Sigle-Ruston, Wendy and McLanahan, Sara. ?Father Absence and Child Well-being: A Critical Review.? October 2002.
6 Fagan and Johnson.
7 Ibid.
8 Sigle-Rushton and McLanahan.
9 Ibid.
10 Ibid.
11 Barton and Coley.
12 Fagan and Johnson.
13 Sigle-Rushton and McLanahan.
14 Bayer, Ronald and Stuber, Jennifer. ?Tobacco Control, Stigma, and Public Health: Rethinking the Relations.? American Journal of Public Health. 2006; 96:28-31.
 
D

D Chapman

Guest
I don't understand it. When I was in high school, getting as girl pregnant was an embarrassment. That's not to say we were not sexually active. Maybe it was the fear of the HIV/AIDS that was continuously beat into our skulls and the importance of protection; or maybe we were just good at pulling out. But very rarely did anyone get pregnant.

Even to this day, the high school I attended, and surrounding schools, do not have all this day care program shit.

The fucking sluts just need to keep their legs closed. It's not the tax payers responsibility to take care of these fuck-ups.

As for the article, I blame Bud Light, and fruity frozen drinks with straws. I mean, if you can't get laid on a cruise ship, you're ugly.
 

rcshauger

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Dec 29, 2006
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Albuquerque, NM
kennith said:
It's not one parent that's the problem, it's one crap parent. Statistics are the tools of liars.

Cheers,

Kennith


Amen. I am a step dad and I have read the studies.

One crap parent... word. I live with the reality of that every week when we drop our daughter off at "dad #1's" house.

I am a teacher and I see problems with kids who do not have a parent who checks their homework, sits with them for a meal, or spends time asking them about their world and expects an answer. That can certainly be one person.

That was some serious bait for lively chatter. Come on, the part about parents encouraging their kids to have kids...

"children raised in two-parent families tend to exhibit behavior that better prepares them to be positive contributors to society, and this is borne out by comparisons of adults based on family structure."

It is not the physical presence of two people, it is the benefits of a positive, nurturing, consistent family that the study is arguing as the supporter of a well-adjusted individual.

My parents were married until all their children were adults. My brother is currently homeless, my sister is a recovering junkie, and I am sick in the head with this rover addiction... guess what... we had 2 parents. Grrrr.
 
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GregH

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Apr 24, 2004
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kennith said:
It's not one parent that's the problem, it's one crap parent.

That's a rather simplistic statement to address a complex problem. I don't think anyone would argue that having one loving and supportive parent is the equal of having two loving and supportive parents.

kennith said:
Statistics are the tools of liars.

Cheers,

Kennith

My econometrics teacher used to say, "If you torture the data long enough it will confess to whatever you want it to".

He would also say that "ignoring statistical data and trends is only for the incredibly foolish".

I can only agree with both statements.
 

RBBailey

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Jul 26, 2004
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Ya, as a teacher also, it is amazing how easy it is to pick out the kids who are having family problems -- sometimes, it's the minute the walk in the door -- BINGO! -- parents going through divorce. It really screws kids up, and kids are really good at hiding it from their parents.

Statistics are good, I don't think we can simply throw them out because they are numbers; but I also agree with you, it only takes one screwed up parent to screw up the whole thing, marriage, kids, finances, everything.

I am also sure that the choices we make are ours alone... the problem is that a lot of the screwing around that bad parents do is done right at the time in a kids life where he or she has very little control over his or her ability to make rational decisions and it is also a time when habits are formed.

As far as the two good parents v. one good parent argument is concerned. One good parent is often enough... but then, I can also tell when the girls are being raised by a single father and vise versa. Not that there is anything "wrong" with them, but there is an apparent lack of "something" that causes this distinct personality trait that is clearly visible. Most of these that I know have turned out fine, gone on to lead good lives. But I think it is a limited vision to say that one good parent is just as well as two good parents. One good parent certainly isn't a negative, but it is a less positive situation.

That's just the way I see it.

Oh, and it is true that parents encourage their kids to have kids. They talk to their kids about getting pregnant in the same way you would talk to someone about getting a cute puppy to take care of, like some sort of toy, it's disgusting. Taking responsibility for the life of another human should be a serious and honorable thing. Often times now it seems more like a fad, a fashion statement, or just something to do when you are bored with your life.

rcshauger -- the fact that your parents are not currently together says a lot about many of the possible reasons your siblings are having issues -- even if the divorce happened after they moved out.
 
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GregH

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Apr 24, 2004
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rcshauger said:
I am a teacher and I see problems with kids who do not have a parent who checks their homework, sits with them for a meal, or spends time asking them about their world and expects an answer. That can certainly be one person.

Agreed. However, it is certainly more difficult for one caring parent to do than for two.

rchauger said:
That was some serious bait for lively chatter. Come on, the part about parents encouraging their kids to have kids...

I'm not kidding. You are apparently unfamiliar with some of the cultural norms here in Southern California.

rchauger said:
"children raised in two-parent families tend to exhibit behavior that better prepares them to be positive contributors to society, and this is borne out by comparisons of adults based on family structure."

It is not the physical presence of two people, it is the benefits of a positive, nurturing, consistent family that the study is arguing as the supporter of a well-adjusted individual.

I would think that is obvious. I also think it is obvious that two caring parents can do that more easily than one caring parent. That's not to say that one caring parent cannot be successful raising their children. It is simply more difficult IMHO.
 

DIIdude

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Aug 28, 2004
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kennith said:
It's not one parent that's the problem, it's one crap parent. Statistics are the tools of liars.

Cheers,

Kennith

I disagree, no matter how well meaning there are some things that are hard for a father to teach a daughter or a mother to teach a son.
 

Sam C.

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Mar 20, 2006
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Cumming, GA
DIIdude said:
I disagree, no matter how well meaning there are some things that are hard for a father to teach a daughter or a mother to teach a son.

I disagree with this statement and speak from experience. A good single parent recognizes that must teach all perspectives to their child, regardless of difficulty.

It is my opinion that married couples rely on the other spouse to cover sensitive topics not because they are unable, rather it is for convenience, and that there is a socety expectation that a male or female teach certain things to their children.
 

flyfisher11

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May 25, 2005
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RBBailey said:
. ...........Taking responsibility for the life of another human should be a serious and honorable thing. Often times now it seems more like a fad, a fashion statement, or just something to do when you are bored with your life.
.........

Like a big pit bull on a chain whilst strutting down the street:rolleyes:
 

flyfisher11

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May 25, 2005
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Sam C. said:
I disagree with this statement and speak from experience. A good single parent recognizes that must teach all perspectives to their child, regardless of difficulty.

It is my opinion that married couples rely on the other spouse to cover sensitive topics not because they are unable, rather it is for convenience, and that there is a socety expectation that a male or female teach certain things to their children.

You know what it feels like to menstruate? Just making a point.
 

kennith

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Apr 22, 2004
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North Carolina
DIIdude said:
I disagree, no matter how well meaning there are some things that are hard for a father to teach a daughter or a mother to teach a son.

I believe what you wrote is right, but what you mean is wrong.

One does not need two parents to grow up decent. One needs a situation where he is not surrounded by idiots to have a good shot at growing up decent. Even if he is surrounded by idiots, as most of these people in the statistics are, he still has a shot, if he is strong enough of mind and heart.

Cheers,

Kennith
 

kennith

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Apr 22, 2004
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North Carolina
nosivad_bor said:
and people want to take away abortion?

I sure do. What I want to do to solve the problem in the first place is cure stupidity. We do that with three strikes and you are out of the game for good. Permanantly.

Family problems don't begin with a single parent. They begin with two crappy people, climax with two parents, go for a while with one crappy parent and end with one crappy person.

I've had my share of experience in the matter.

Cheers,

Kennith
 

DIIdude

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Aug 28, 2004
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kennith said:
I believe what you wrote is right, but what you mean is wrong.

One does not need two parents to grow up decent. One needs a situation where he is not surrounded by idiots to have a good shot at growing up decent. Even if he is surrounded by idiots, as most of these people in the statistics are, he still has a shot, if he is strong enough of mind and heart.

Cheers,

Kennith

I guess it works better if the parent is a well rounded one. Teaching a boy how to hunt and fish, play sports or defend ones self, to fix his bike or work on the car. Talking fashion with their daughter, or how to tell when a boy like them, or how to show they like a boy, hair, makeup, ect. I guess a single parent can do all these things but that would be one well rounded parent.

And while I'll agree that a single parent can raise a child quite well, as a person who's mom died when I was 9 I can safely say I'd rather have grown up with both parents around.
 

derrickalda

Well-known member
kennith said:
It's not one parent that's the problem, it's one crap parent. Statistics are the tools of liars.

Cheers,

Kennith

well said......i am in my late 20 and had a mother that was never married. topics like this fire me up, because its mostly based on a stereotype. I made great grades in school, and was a great athlete. I have a Engineering Degree, and I am living 1400 miles away from my home in my dream location, living a dream.

i am an example of how a single mom/dad can love and provide the tools for a their kids to be successful.

the problem is the MEDIA
 

kennith

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Apr 22, 2004
10,891
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North Carolina
DIIdude said:
I guess it works better if the parent is a well rounded one. Teaching a boy how to hunt and fish, play sports or defend ones self, to fix his bike or work on the car. Talking fashion with their daughter, or how to tell when a boy like them, or how to show they like a boy, hair, makeup, ect. I guess a single parent can do all these things but that would be one well rounded parent.

And while I'll agree that a single parent can raise a child quite well, as a person who's mom died when I was 9 I can safely say I'd rather have grown up with both parents around.

That's a given, and not really the point.

A family member dying always leaves a hole in the situation. That's a different story. There is no comparison with some bastard who knocks up a girl and runs off, or a girl who is repeatedly knocked up. They are equally foolish, and thus will have a foolish child.

Certainly there is something missing in your life when a parent dies.

We arent' talking about fashion, or tools, or fishing. We are talking about honor, dignity, and values.

Cheers,

Kennith
 

EJB90

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Feb 26, 2007
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I know a few single mothers (husbands died of cancer or stroke), that have raised their children just fine- their kids do well in school and stay out of trouble.

I think the problem with single mothers is when you don't intend on having kids and live in a bad environment where the kids fatherly figure is someone other than the parents.

Right now in my school there are two pregnant girls in the 12th grade. There are about 160 kids in the senior class and I live in a fairly affluent town (avg income $80,000 to $115,000 depending on which section of town).
Girl #1 got knocked up by her boyfriend,
Girl #2 got knocked up by a guy that was cheating on his real girlfriend (JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!)
Both conceptions were accidental.

Why there are these pregnant girls walking around is beyond me. Well I know that they all want to have sex obviously, but who actually wants to have a baby when you're still in high school. Not only is your life going to be messed up but I feel bad for the babies that are going to have one screwed up childhood.

I believe girl #1 is raising the child with her BF which I guess is good as long as he sticks around.

Girl #2 I have no idea what she's doing with her BF
 

Sam C.

Well-known member
Mar 20, 2006
189
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Cumming, GA
flyfisher11 said:
You know what it feels like to menstruate? Just making a point.

I understand your point. Think of it this way, a child with a single parent relies on that single parent for everything. The child will never know what it is like to go to mom for certain things and dad for others, and never will. They simply go to the one parent. If this parent has done a good job and is caring the child should have no problem asking that parent for help regardless of what that is. In return the parent being a good one would provide whatever support or care was needed to that child.