Rellections from a new father

[bovw]

Lifted from another board, but so true.




12 things I learned about being a father in 12 days:

Your nipples are useless; her nipples save the day . . . and the night
Unanswerable question: How long is it going to take to get through all these free casseroles?
Baby poo is kind of cute.
Ludicrous stuff: baby wipe heater, flimsy plastic everything, eight "D" batteries to power a swing that will never be more than - what? - 10 feet from a power outlet, 1233 photos in the first 3 days
Clothes: Ones-eez with a lot of buttons are crap. You’ll never put one of those things on correctly the first time. Or second time. By the third time, you’ve thrown them all away. Zippers or pull-overs only. Little socks are kind of cute.
The cute diapers imprinted with Winnie the Pooh? Total crap. Tabs don’t hold. Think Pampers.
You never thought this before, and it surprises you: come between me and my kid, I’ll kill you. Bare handed.
Delivery room: Blood, guts, crying, terror, and drugs. Not a rock-n-roll show, it's The Miracle Of Life.
Nothing better: snoozing on the couch while she sleeps on your chest, breathing, slightly moving her tiny fingers; then she squirms, plops her head on the other side, sighs.
Farting is still funny.
"Cute" is an okay word to use now.
By the way: You’re so very alive and you know it.

 

[brianhoberg]

Thanks for the ummm..."hope", lol. I'm going to be a father in November....got a baby boy coming. I've already been through:
1 - Everything is your fault, whether you thought of it or not, conceived the notion or not, breathed near it or not, it's your fault.
2 - The list of what a pregnant woman can not do is proportional to what is on television. Example: Dancing with the Stars is on...mama suddenly can't unload a dishwasher because the doctor terms it detrimental to the baby's wellbeing...(enter pathetic attempt at using "chemicals in the soap" as an excuse).
3 - No matter what you say, you're wrong...it's like a nine month PMS trip.

Man...I just want the kid here so mama will chill out, ugh...

Thanks for the laughs though!

 

[Robbie]

man, i am in that situation now. wife and i had our first baby 4 weeks ago. how one can get so angry, frustrated, awed and happy all at once with something so small is amazing.

oh, and any tv show, movie or even commercial that has an emotional scene between parent and child now chokes me up. what the hell.

 

[skippy3k]

You never thought this before, and it surprises you: come between me and my kid, I?ll kill you. Bare handed.

This is the one that shocked the hell out of me. Not only that, but the thought that you would, in a second and without thinking, run into a burning house to save your kid. Or chop off a finger to prevent something bad from happening to him/her. It's a just a no-brainer, and comes so natural.

 

[jim-00-4.6]

Baby poo is kind of cute.

I guess that's a matter of opinion, but the first couple black-tar ones, when the bowel is just starting to work, are unbelievably nasty.

Ludicrous stuff: baby wipe heater, flimsy plastic everything, eight "D" batteries to power a swing that will never be more than - what? - 10 feet from a power outlet, 1233 photos in the first 3 days

it's like the baby books, they don't help, but new parents are suckers.

You never thought this before, and it surprises you: come between me and my kid, I’ll kill you. Bare handed.

Yep. My kids are now 14 & 10, and I still feel the same.

Nothing better: snoozing on the couch while she sleeps on your chest, breathing, slightly moving her tiny fingers; then she squirms, plops her head on the other side, sighs.

absolutely.

Farting is still funny.

when did it STOP being funny?

"Cute" is an okay word to use now.

even for a boy.

 

[UK 4X4]

1 - Everything is your fault, whether you thought of it or not, conceived the notion or not, breathed near it or not, it's your fault.
2 - The list of what a pregnant woman can not do is proportional to what is on television. Example: Dancing with the Stars is on...mama suddenly can't unload a dishwasher because the doctor terms it detrimental to the baby's wellbeing...(enter pathetic attempt at using "chemicals in the soap" as an excuse).
3 - No matter what you say, you're wrong...it's like a nine month PMS trip


Mines due in September and have the same wife at home...........only mines worse as she's latino......and if I don't answer the phone for 1hr
I shagging someone.......well according to telenovelas thats what always happens..........

 

[ptschram]

The universe did not see fit to grace me with a newborn (some might say the universe knew what it was doing). However, my wife was kind enough (?) to allow me to finish off a 17 year-old when we got married. He's now 22 and no longer lives at home.

While we fight like dogs and cats when we are together, don't do or say anything bad about him. I'm not allowed to and neither is anyone but his mother.

funny how this owrks and how willing we are to accept it.

If fatherhood is difficult, lemme tell you about being a stepfather!

 

[monkeyboy]

Start

Saving

For

College

Now!


Three done, one to go .... thinks he needs to be an attorney!!!

 

[ptschram]

Start

Saving

For

College

Now!


Three done, one to go .... thinks he needs to be an attorney!!!

LOL, we have just found out that Shopboy's father's VA disability may pay for his college!

Fingers crossed.

 

[stevenmd]

Dude, every parent knows Pampers are the only brand to buy! Everything else sucks. And yeah, Jim's right... when did farting ever STOP being funny?

 

[slangel]

Dude, every parent knows Pampers are the only brand to buy! Everything else sucks. And yeah, Jim's right... when did farting ever STOP being funny?

Unless for some reason something in pampers breaks your kid out then it's Huggies Supreme!!!

 

[El_Cid_2000]

All of you guys are amateurs, my wife and I had triplet girls five weeks ago tomorrow.



Michael

 

[brianhoberg]

All of you guys are amateurs, my wife and I had triplet girls five weeks ago tomorrow.



Michael

Alright man, you took the cake with that one. Congrats and I am absolutely sure you're a proud father.....but damn I don't want to cover your kids tuition bills. Here's to hoping all three are excellent students!

 

[slangel]

All of you guys are amateurs, my wife and I had triplet girls five weeks ago tomorrow.



Michael

COngrats and have fun with that!!! My best friend has twins and whew I couldn't imagine three!!

 

[bovw]

All of you guys are amateurs, my wife and I had triplet girls five weeks ago tomorrow.



Michael

:cheers: Hope they don't all get married at once! Congrats.