Neighbor Hassles
- Thread starter Chris-St Louis
- Start date
ask her if her yard talks to her at night too
ask her what her position on autoerotic asphixiation is
ask her who her sex change doctor was (then quickly tell her she should really get a good malpractice attorney)
tell her sternly that you don't appreciate her bringing her prostitution business into the neighborhood
ask her what her position on autoerotic asphixiation is
ask her who her sex change doctor was (then quickly tell her she should really get a good malpractice attorney)
tell her sternly that you don't appreciate her bringing her prostitution business into the neighborhood
You have no idea what bad neighbors are.:banghead:
If you want to get even though heres what you do.
1. Do exactly the opposite of the expected reaction. I.E. She calls the cops for 1 truck you bring 3 trucks.
2. Call the cops on yourself under her name. They will tire of this quickly and stop coming.
3. Put up a multi family bird house near the property line(The homemader the better). Don't forget the feeder and wind chimes.(Think exaust pipe size in 3").
4. If you have the time it wouldn't be unreasonable to mow the lawn 10 or 15 times a day. A two cycle Lawn Boy with a rich oil mix should work nicely.
5. Perhaps a nice big generator to supplement your electric supply while you remodel an upstairs closet.
If you want to get even though heres what you do.
1. Do exactly the opposite of the expected reaction. I.E. She calls the cops for 1 truck you bring 3 trucks.
2. Call the cops on yourself under her name. They will tire of this quickly and stop coming.
3. Put up a multi family bird house near the property line(The homemader the better). Don't forget the feeder and wind chimes.(Think exaust pipe size in 3").
4. If you have the time it wouldn't be unreasonable to mow the lawn 10 or 15 times a day. A two cycle Lawn Boy with a rich oil mix should work nicely.
5. Perhaps a nice big generator to supplement your electric supply while you remodel an upstairs closet.
There have been some funny suggestions and a few serious ones. I suggest just going over to her house and trying to talk nicely with her and "TRY" to get on friendly terms with her. You obviously will be dealing with her for a long time, try to make the best out of it.
If that doesnt work you could allways keep the dog shit in a ziplock and at night when she is sleeping dump the dog feses on her front porch.
Good luck,
If that doesnt work you could allways keep the dog shit in a ziplock and at night when she is sleeping dump the dog feses on her front porch.
Good luck,
Get a big bag of birdseed and distribute it on her lawn. You have no idea what crazy weeds grow from birdseed.
Printer toner under her car door handles. That stuff's a bitch to get off your hands.
Printer toner under her car door handles. That stuff's a bitch to get off your hands.
There is really nothing that gives the same level of satisfaction as the classic flaming bag of dog eggs on the front porch.
Alternatively, if she has porch furniture or other accessories on her front porch, you can place an ad on Craigslist indicating the items are for free for whoever picks them up, and leave the address.
Alternatively, if she has porch furniture or other accessories on her front porch, you can place an ad on Craigslist indicating the items are for free for whoever picks them up, and leave the address.
Winter rye grass in the yard. Spell something with it that would piss her off. It won't show up for a few months.
too bad it isn't christmas...
Last year I put an ad in the paper asking for everyone to deliver their used christmas trees to the front yard of a tool I knew from high school. Placed the ad with fake name, address and phone, from a public IP computer with no camera coverage. Untraceable.
Come to think of it, if you do place an ad, and do it wisely, you won't get busted. Fake info, and even though most people won't go as far as tracing the IP, do it from somewhere impossible to trace and you're in.
Last year I put an ad in the paper asking for everyone to deliver their used christmas trees to the front yard of a tool I knew from high school. Placed the ad with fake name, address and phone, from a public IP computer with no camera coverage. Untraceable.
Come to think of it, if you do place an ad, and do it wisely, you won't get busted. Fake info, and even though most people won't go as far as tracing the IP, do it from somewhere impossible to trace and you're in.
Chris.
Do you guys have Neighborhood Contact Officers or something to that effect in your town? Contact your neighborhood watch chairman and find out who the neighborhood cop is for your neighborhood. Ask him over for a meeting. Tell him you have a neighborhood problem, and you want some direction on how to go about it.
Invite everyone in your cul-de-sac over for a BBQ or coffee and invite the neighborhood officer over. You can either INCLUDE crazy/insane bitch or exclude crazy/insane bitch. If you include her, maybe she'll stop being insane (doubtful). If you exclude her, it may push her over the edge.
Atleast if the cops are on your side, then you can build a case against her. Get that neighborhood officer on your side.
If that doesn't work, then follow everyone else's advice I guess. There are some pretty sneaky ideas on here
Do you guys have Neighborhood Contact Officers or something to that effect in your town? Contact your neighborhood watch chairman and find out who the neighborhood cop is for your neighborhood. Ask him over for a meeting. Tell him you have a neighborhood problem, and you want some direction on how to go about it.
Invite everyone in your cul-de-sac over for a BBQ or coffee and invite the neighborhood officer over. You can either INCLUDE crazy/insane bitch or exclude crazy/insane bitch. If you include her, maybe she'll stop being insane (doubtful). If you exclude her, it may push her over the edge.
Atleast if the cops are on your side, then you can build a case against her. Get that neighborhood officer on your side.
If that doesn't work, then follow everyone else's advice I guess. There are some pretty sneaky ideas on here
If that doesn't work, then follow everyone else's advice I guess. There are some pretty sneaky ideas on here
lol....:applause:
lol....:applause:
1/4 teaspoon of the skunk on the doormat will be LOUD for a week, and funky all season.
Soak a couple of cottonballs or little tufts of wool and toss them under the bedroom window or in the garage.
It won't necessarily attract skunks... it's used to mix with sex and urine (canine) gland lures to carry the scent long distances in cold weather. By itself it just STINKS.
Have it delivered to the shop- the UPS driver and everyone within a few feet of the package will be able to smell it, (not bad in the bottle, but easy enough to ID)
Have fun, but be careful.
Soak a couple of cottonballs or little tufts of wool and toss them under the bedroom window or in the garage.
It won't necessarily attract skunks... it's used to mix with sex and urine (canine) gland lures to carry the scent long distances in cold weather. By itself it just STINKS.
Have it delivered to the shop- the UPS driver and everyone within a few feet of the package will be able to smell it, (not bad in the bottle, but easy enough to ID)
Have fun, but be careful.
if you know her full name, get her facebook profile up. then, copy and save her likeness on your desktop. THEN look up her # in the phone book. THEN - find the local trashy St.L rag and print an add to the effect of:
"Slutty bitch needs a taming in the mouth. Call anytime." insert her photo and number and enjoy!!!
"Slutty bitch needs a taming in the mouth. Call anytime." insert her photo and number and enjoy!!!
Well, you know her name and address...
Go to every spam site on the net and fill out every form you can find. I mean everything. Russian wives, penis enlargement, credit card offers, free trials of newspapers, everything you can manage. Grab her phone number and do the same thing. Drop it all into every online virus form you can find.
The won't be able to get within 10 feet of her mailbox, and she will have to change her phone number.
That's the easy part...
Then, do what someone else suggested. Take out anonymous advertisements for yard sales, property and house sales, car sales, anything sales. You want strangers at her door.
To add to this disconcerting effect, advertise a free feeding of the homeless at her home every weekend. While you are at it, tell the local white supremacists that she is an activist for minority rights. Nothing like a burning cross in the morning to lighten the day.
Now someone stole my favorite little trick here, the observation van. You are responsible for keeping this from being traced. Get yourself a junker that looks road worthy, and park it near her home, with an old satellite dish on top aimed at her house.
Create some fliers that advertise votes to allow very strange things in the town you live in. Votes to allow things that she won't be able to tolerate or even believe, really. When she calls the offices to ask about them, nobody is going to tell here that it isn't true, as they have no idea what is going on half the time. Getting her to believe that the town council is about to vote to approve things like volunteer septic sharing, a reduction in water quality standards, the opening of a new 50 dollar a month government housing project a block away, legalizing bestiality, and things of that nature will work a long way to achieving your ends.
Pay some kids to ride skateboards around the neighborhood, and stick punk rock concert fliers under her wipers every day. Bands with names like: Ass Filth, Rancid Popsicle, Vomit Commando, you know, punk rock bands...
You find yourself some gangsters to roll about in your 'hood, beating their subwoofers on top of all that, and she will just about have had enough.
So, when you finally put the advertisements up for a BYOB ricer street racing super swimsuit party in her back yard, I don't think she will be around much longer.
You turn your neighborhood into her own personal hell, and she won't be a problem much longer.
Cheers,
Kennith
Go to every spam site on the net and fill out every form you can find. I mean everything. Russian wives, penis enlargement, credit card offers, free trials of newspapers, everything you can manage. Grab her phone number and do the same thing. Drop it all into every online virus form you can find.
The won't be able to get within 10 feet of her mailbox, and she will have to change her phone number.
That's the easy part...
Then, do what someone else suggested. Take out anonymous advertisements for yard sales, property and house sales, car sales, anything sales. You want strangers at her door.
To add to this disconcerting effect, advertise a free feeding of the homeless at her home every weekend. While you are at it, tell the local white supremacists that she is an activist for minority rights. Nothing like a burning cross in the morning to lighten the day.
Now someone stole my favorite little trick here, the observation van. You are responsible for keeping this from being traced. Get yourself a junker that looks road worthy, and park it near her home, with an old satellite dish on top aimed at her house.
Create some fliers that advertise votes to allow very strange things in the town you live in. Votes to allow things that she won't be able to tolerate or even believe, really. When she calls the offices to ask about them, nobody is going to tell here that it isn't true, as they have no idea what is going on half the time. Getting her to believe that the town council is about to vote to approve things like volunteer septic sharing, a reduction in water quality standards, the opening of a new 50 dollar a month government housing project a block away, legalizing bestiality, and things of that nature will work a long way to achieving your ends.
Pay some kids to ride skateboards around the neighborhood, and stick punk rock concert fliers under her wipers every day. Bands with names like: Ass Filth, Rancid Popsicle, Vomit Commando, you know, punk rock bands...
You find yourself some gangsters to roll about in your 'hood, beating their subwoofers on top of all that, and she will just about have had enough.
So, when you finally put the advertisements up for a BYOB ricer street racing super swimsuit party in her back yard, I don't think she will be around much longer.
You turn your neighborhood into her own personal hell, and she won't be a problem much longer.
Cheers,
Kennith
Chris, this is why you don't fuck your neighbors. You could at the very least sent her flowers in the morning.