Help me make the roads a little safer.

[Tugela]

Along the lines of the bouncing ball, go out and buy a cheap baby stroller and put a plastic baby doll in it. As she comes zooming past you step out from behind your car and bang! That will freak her out.

The harmonica idea is awesome. The trick is to conceal it behind the grill or air dam so it's hard to find.

A really mean thing to do would be to buy a container of deer scent from your favorite local hunting store, fill a syringe with it, and very carefully spray 10-20cc of it into the car's cabin. Best done on a warm evening when she forgets to roll up her window. The overpowering smell will render the interior unbearable.

This idea is highly impractical, but it's something I've been pondering on many dog walks through my neighborhood for months:

The Variable Speed Bump (TM)

Here's how it works. An automated radar speed check sign clocks your speed and flashes the number at you if you are driving above the posted limit. Fifty feet down the road is the Variable Speed Bump. It is electronically linked to the radar sign. If you are speeding, the Variable Speed Bump rises out of the ground (hydraulic lift powered). The faster you are driving, the higher it rises. Going 37mph in a 35 zone? The Variable Speed Bump only rises a couple inches. You feel the bump and it's a reminder to slow down a little. Going 44 in a 35? The Variable Speed Bump rises up 6 inches and after you drive over it you need 3 visits to the chiropractor and 1 visit to Meineke to get your muffler re-attached. The idea is similar to red light traffic cameras, but with immediate and painful consequences.

If all else fails you could ask her to take Oprah's "No Phone Pledge." That will surely do the trick.

 

[mbrummal]

Or, just strap a harmonica under that car to scare her a bit and run some cash out of their wallets on a vehicle-related issue.

I've heard of that before but I don't think it would slow her down.

Extra manipulation points will be awarded if you hire a friend to plow into you when she rear-ends you into an intersection.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: That's pretty good.
Chris, If you do this, be sure to get another friend to video tape it.

oh this is all too good. When this gets sorted we can work on how to get my neighbor to stop parking in front of my house next.

start parking a junk/parts truck in front of their house? put out fliers for a party but have the wrong address (accidentally, of course)? put cones in the street where they normally park? If you have trash collection that allows it, put a bunch of junk there for them to pick up (bed frames work well).

 

[Tugela]

oh this is all too good. When this gets sorted we can work on how to get my neighbor to stop parking in front of my house next.

Get a lawn sprinkler and set it up so your neighbor's car is in range. If he complains, you explain the sprinkler is on a timer and his car wasn't there when you set it up.

Or borrow two cars from friends who can spare them for a couple days. Park a car in front of and behind your neighbor so there isn't enough room for him to get out. Even better if they are crappy junkers from a salvage yard so you can explain that they were probably stolen and abandoned there.

 

[Skaramunga]

right after you fix the problem with that young girl...there's gonna be one of her friends with a new license, an endless line of them. that's what they do man. soon there will be multiple young girls driving that roundabout at 40mph everyday after school.

my advice, get them where it hurt the most. this FACEBOOK thing. they're all on it. find her & get her to add you as a friend. then let her know how it is. make sure you use a rugged photo of JTT or justin timberlake as your avatar to seal the deal. then just pray dateline's chris hansen isn't watching you.

 

[Chris-St Louis]

Actually, We have quite a few children drivers. All, except her, are very good.

I have to check with the judge if I can go back on Facebook. HA! (Kidding!)

 

[DiscoJen]

my advice, get them where it hurt the most. this FACEBOOK thing. they're all on it. find her & get her to add you as a friend. then let her know how it is. make sure you use a rugged photo of JTT or justin timberlake as your avatar to seal the deal. then just pray dateline's chris hansen isn't watching you.

Chris, you know there isn't a shortage of teens offing themselves in O'Fallon when the adult neighbors pick on them via Facebook or Myspace. So ole Skaramunga here might have the winning ticket!

 

[ptschram]

Or borrow two cars from friends who can spare them for a couple days. Park a car in front of and behind your neighbor so there isn't enough room for him to get out. Even better if they are crappy junkers from a salvage yard so you can explain that they were probably stolen and abandoned there.

LOL-if you only knew. How many tucks are there at the shop Neil?

 

[Chris-St Louis]

Dont forget what happened last time someone in my city talked to a teenage girl.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_Megan_Meier

 

[Skaramunga]

wow that's some fucked up shit man.

 

[pdxrovermech]

I think we've got it down to only a dozen or so outside the shop.
I dont want to park a junker in its place cause I like to keep the street clear and looking nice (my yard actually looks pretty decent). I think cars parked on the street makes the neighborhood look trashy. I have a large driveway that splits in the middle, so they park between my two driveway entrances. Maybe if they didnt have so many damn people in their house they wouldnt have to have so many cars. They have come out to their car before and had a flat tire (i dont know how it happened >_>).
I think I'm just going to put a basketball hoop up right there.

 

[Chris-St Louis]

That Megan Meier thing was, I dont know, a mile form my place...Maybe 2?

No internet Chris/Teenager interactions for me.

 

[az_max]

The Variable Speed Bump (TM)

Here's how it works. An automated radar speed check sign clocks your speed and flashes the number at you if you are driving above the posted limit. Fifty feet down the road is the Variable Speed Bump. It is electronically linked to the radar sign. If you are speeding, the Variable Speed Bump rises out of the ground (hydraulic lift powered). The faster you are driving, the higher it rises. Going 37mph in a 35 zone? The Variable Speed Bump only rises a couple inches. You feel the bump and it's a reminder to slow down a little. Going 44 in a 35? The Variable Speed Bump rises up 6 inches and after you drive over it you need 3 visits to the chiropractor and 1 visit to Meineke to get your muffler re-attached. The idea is similar to red light traffic cameras, but with immediate and painful consequences.

If all else fails you could ask her to take Oprah's "No Phone Pledge." That will surely do the trick.

I like it! there are a few vehicles driving down my street that would turn that speed bump into an evil knievel jump (or take the axles out from under the car).

 

[DiscoJen]

No internet Chris/Teenager interactions for me.

Good to hear you're obeying the court order.

 

[clarkwjackson]

in my old neighborhood back home all the little kids would hang out around my neighbor's house. These guys (mostly 20 somethings) would haul ass up and down the very narrow street. We all would yell/threaten/try to make them slow down. My neighbor, being the classy wood burning stove in the front yard, meth dealer, decided the best way to solve the problem would be throw a logging chain in the road EVERY time they came up the street. He'd then run out into the street, beer in hand, and shout as many mother related insults as possible. About the third time they hit that big ass chain they magically would slow way down and creep past our block.

or

you could give her an in depth analysis on HTHS ratings of your preferred oil.

 

[ArmyRover]

Get her a bumper sticker custom made...

 

[ptschram]

you could give her an in depth analysis on HTHS ratings of your preferred oil.

He's trying to keep her from killing herself, not push her over the edge!

 

[AU_88]

He's trying to keep her from killing herself, not push her over the edge!

That's debatable...

 

[LRflip]

I just had a great idea while ranting in another section.

Drain all the oil out of her car in the middle of the night. Do it quietly and neatly, put it in a container, clean up your mess.

That way the car will be grounded and maybe her parents will get the idea that she wasn't taking care of it anyways...Then, no new car and the little brat will have to work off the damages. Just don't get caught.